THE HISTORY OF TAI-CHI TORTOISES
The real heroes martial art practice the ancient skill of Tai-Chi. A discipline so exacting that it takes over a hundred years to master even the basic moves! For some reason there are very few Tai-Chi experts in the World. Very strange that.
Only the long lives Tortoises of the Northern Japanese Islands ever learn the art, and even then only after eating really nice bits of lettuce. Training is tough and usually a fierce camaraderie develops between the Tai-Chi tyros.
Every year, to preserve this bond, a huge Tai-Chi Tortoise convention is held in the shadow of Mount Fuji (or inside a church hall if wet). This year I was there to listen in on the fantastic tales of daring and valour.
Tai-Chi Tortoises have travelled all around the World, righting wrongs. They were first seen in London during the infamous spate of budgie kidnaps, and their heroics led to the eventual capture of the evil parrot abductor "Pretty Boy" Hannigan.
More recently they appeared in Paris to foil the theft of the "Mona Lisa". The clever thief had convinced security guards that the Da Vinci painting under his arm was just an extra large souvenir post-card! The thief was apprehended by a Tai-Chi Tortoise, alerted by the villain's giggling as he bounded down the gallery steps.
However, it is the Tortoise's role in the defeat of the fiendish criminal Ratatoui that makes for the most exciting story. It involves armed henchmen, large amounts of cheese and ... but that would give away the plot.
- From the inlay.