Comedians Answer Impossible Hypothetical Questions in Hypothetically
Transcript
Every episode, we get professional comedians together to play a board game and share some laughs. Welcome to It's All Funny and Games. Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of It's All Funny and Games. This is the show where I get some great comedians together to play through a board game or two. And today we have some great comedians with us. We've got Shane Moss. Yeah. And Beth Stelling. Hi.
And Saul Trujillo.
We will be playing the game Hypothetically. This is a really fun sort of open-ended silly question party game. One player is going to read off a card and they're going to be sort of unknowable questions for the answer. You know, how many chickens have you seen in your lifetime or some something like that and then everybody else can ask them questions, try to, you know, get at the information a little bit more. And then we'll all be writing numbers down trying to the active player will be writing the number down for their own answer and everybody else is trying to guess as close as they can to the active player and whoever gets closest will get points. And uh we're going to go around the table a few times and whoever has the most points wins. So it whoever has the most points is hypothetically the winner but oh but not h they're actually the winner. It's not hypothetical at that point. So yeah. You guys ready to play?
Yeah. Nice.
Thank you so much for being here, everybody. Yeah,
that was all in one breath, man. Impressive.
I know, man. We I've been doing these episodes. I got it down. I got it locked. You know what I mean? I got host mode. Let's go.
Sweet. Um, well, I can be the active player here to start just so you kind of see around and then we will move around the table here. So, every card has a couple of questions on it and so I get to choose one of these questions. I have. How long could you balance on a tight rope? Or how many piggyback rides have you given or received? I'm going to go piggyback rides. How many piggyback rides have you given or received?
Are you choosing between given or received?
Hey, I'm Beth Stelling. I'm a stand-up comedian. Something about me you might not know. I play the cello at a novice to intermediate level.
Anyway, I'm over the hill. Uh, I just turned 40. I'm Thank you. Yeah, I've kept myself alive this long. I'm unwed and and child-free. And most days I wake up feeling like a substitute teacher in my own life. I'm just like, where is everything?
How does she How does she do this?
What's the plan?
Just in general, how many piggyback rides have I been part of?
Total. Total. Yeah.
Been part of it.
Yeah.
So whether I'm giving them or receiving them, this all counts in the total
and childhood counts as well for sure.
Hello, my name is Shane Moss. M A US SS. A little about me. Let's see. I like pickle ball, stand up, paddle boarding,
uh, van life, travel. Big fan of naps, and I like introducing new people to board games. No one knew what Iaska was. Like, you really had to be in the know to know what Iaska was. Now they mention on ESPN. It's like a whole cliche now. Oh, everyone know. Oh, yeah. Iawaska. Sure. Oh, yeah. You mean the stuff where you fly to Peru or Brooklyn and you and you sit with a shaman or someone who says they're a shaman and man, shaman are really making a comeback these days. Boy, they were on the endangered species list for a while there.
And also me giving them to a child counts. Okay.
I'm not saying I'm giving them to random children.
I'm saying that I have nieces and nephews that I will give piggyback.
My name is Salo. I'm a stand-up comedian. Uh big pthead. Uh generally don't like to do anything. Generally like to brain rot. So this is going to be a change of pace a little bit. Let's play some games versus just looking at dogs on the internet. Apparently a percentage of the Taco Bell meat is sand. We knew. We knew. Hey, it's called ground beef. It's the ground plus beef. You don't want What are you not reading? It says it right there. You know, it's more of a list of ingredients than anything. And this burrito cost me $3. Man, you got to be cutting it with something.
I mean, thank you for not being fentinel. Let it be Santa.
Everybody knows we this this studio is near a park.
Yeah. Yeah, this that is true.
So, we are allowed to be here. All of us
Yeah. So, cuz I do have I have um multiple I have three siblings and they So, that I have uh four nieces and nephews.
Thank you. Now, we're doing the math. I'll piggyback on.
Yeah. So, um, but also I will say none of the my nieces and nephews live that close to me.
Oh, okay. So,
what is your um your type of romantic partner? Are they someone that likes to wear heels a lot?
No, I'm like I go for a silly fun person.
Dirty feet fun.
Well, silly fun's a confound.
Heels cancel out the vote like a Republican liberal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Uh I can say I have given
piggyback rides to romantic partners before. Okay.
But I don't know that it's like a go-to move of mine, you know what I mean?
Do you know how much you can squat or deadlift?
I have no idea at this point. Yeah. Can I lift a girlfriend? Yes,
I can do that. All right.
I'll tell you one of the
unexpected. I'll change my answer. This is the love is blind like not allowed to ask physical questions like do you think that you could pick me up?
I was trying to get an idea if Grant was into a more highmaintenance lady who wears perhaps a stiletto heel and after a long night maybe wants to take them off and get on his back. The reason I was thinking about love is blind is because it's supposed to be blind but sometimes these men spend their time asking questions like could I lift you? you know, just to find out if someone is not real. Then for me, real men have curves.
I can tell you one of my proudest achievements was when I was in college on a backpacking trip, a girlfriend fell and twisted her ankle really badly. And the hardest thing I've ever done was carried her on my back multiple miles outside of this, then went back and got her backpack on my front and mine on my back and carried that out multiple miles. Oh.
So, yeah, that was just really an opportunity for me to brag,
but that was like physically I was like I mean that was I was so crazy exhausted by the end of that, you know.
That's your 127 hours.
Yeah. Yeah, it really is. I think I know the answer.
Sure. Sure. I got my answer. I've written it down. Does everybody have their answer?
I do.
All right. So, well, let's see you reveal yours first.
I'm going with a baker's dozen. You
13 total ties.
Okay. total. I feel I feel like you you you'll give one, but you're not out there just like trying to give. You know what I mean?
Yeah. Sure. No, I
13 total times.
That's not a lot. That's not a lot.
That's not a lot. Think of it.
That's not a lot.
I know it's not a lot, but I feel like it's that.
Okay.
Okay.
I went the other WAY WITH IT.
NO.
YOU THOUGHT I'VE GIVEN THOUSANDS.
305.
CONSENSUAL. I didn't write consensual. So, mine nine.
Okay. All right. What do you got, Beth?
I went with 365.
Okay.
I think I'm gonna get this one. I'm feeling good about that.
I think now I have to do some quick math in my head cuz I wrote 175.
Wow.
So, you are how many off? You are? Uh,
I'm 130 off.
130 off. And you Yeah. So, sh
And I win the math challenge.
Yes, you do. That was That was hard for me. So, you are getting one point for getting uh the most correct. So, I don't know. I was in my mind I was like 250. I was I almost went 250, but I was like I don't want to seem insane.
I think I I think we're we we're there's some that you don't even remember.
Oh, there's absolutely some. I don't.
I just wrote down how many I think I've given and received.
A race thing for me. I don't think I'm a big We're a big piggyback riding culture Mexican.
I will say like I give I give my is that a stereotype? stereotyping right now.
Uh my dad never gave me a piggyback ride, but then again, I've been heavy my whole life, so that's a that's a that thing. Uh so yeah, I'm going to go with that. Piggyback riding is a white thing. I stay I stay ignorant till the end.
Think about all the times that you were on your mom or dad's back.
Well, you can't a childhood of 200.
That's I did not think about being
and then I was a big drinker. So I was like, you know, I just went with what I think I've done.
Sure. Sure. Well, cuz I was like, I give my nieces and nephews piggyback rides like anytime I'm around them. I'm just not around them that often,
you know.
Okay. Yes, I am a fun. I'm trying to I try to be for sure. So, oh, you get to pick a card and choose a question on there.
All right, let's pick it right here.
Yeah,
it's either How many socks have you lost?
What percentage of your friends do you get more sleep than?
You get to pick either one of those.
I'll go. What percentage of your friends do you get more sleep then?
Okay.
I like that one a lot.
All right. What percentage of your friends do you So, obviously
anything we ask is going to be very telling.
This is such a hard card to figure out because I haven't made it to my alarm in years. I can't sleep. I would love to sleep, but as soon as like the light comes through the window, my 40-year-old body is like, "DON'T WASTE THE DAY. YOU GOT TO GET UP. You don't know how many of these you have left. What's the point?
A standup comedian. You're out late at night
most of the day.
You're sleeping in.
Do you sleep in?
I try I try to sleep till about 10 or 11 cuz past that I I it's I'm wasting the day, I feel.
Yeah. Sure.
And I feel like that's if I go sleep past 11, it's I'm wasting the day.
How much How much sleep do you need to feel like
like different people need a different amount of sleep to feel good? How much sleep do you need?
Six hours.
Yeah. Okay. If you get six hours, you're doing okay. No, your friends type A people or comics. They're all comics.
Oh, well, I got to change my answer.
All my normal friends are back home. Where's that?
If most your friends are also fuckups.
Yeah.
But are we We're including the Stockton friends.
Yeah. I mean, this is of your friends. So, it doesn't It's up to him what he considers.
They're all
They're probably getting a lot of sleep.
They're pro Well, no.
Well, maybe not. Maybe they're like working. Well, also if you have kids, you're getting less sleep.
Yes. Right. Factory workers, like couple of nurses here and there, but it's like they're not
nurses. But they're what's LVN, not RNs. It's chill. You know what I mean? They only went so far.
They're what's changing the number because
just friends.
Yeah, I think overall
comics get a lot of sleep. Most of your friends are comics, so you don't have a big percentage on them. But if we're counting the friends from back home, which we are,
I'm also married though. get a lot more sleep and then thing
so
and things are good. Things are good.
Yeah.
But he's saying but but if you're married your spouse doesn't let you sleep as much. There's a lot of spouse sleep jealousy. I feel like if you're What's your spouse do?
Uh she works from home. She's a dispatcher for some garbage company.
So if I if I were her, I would let him sleep so I could have alone time without him. I suppose that's more personality stuff
because she works at home. So it's like be quiet. I want my alone time. This is the only time I have and I can't really leave cuz I work here.
In my experience, significant other comes home and they're like, "What'd you do?" Like mostly slept. And then she's like, "You can't do that. That's not Yeah. It's just not fair if they work out."
So you've never dated a common?
I have.
Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Yeah.
Interesting.
Okay. All right. I have my answer.
I got my answer.
What percentage?
Yeah. What percentage of your friends do you get more sleep than?
I took a big chance on this one.
I get more sleep than 100% of my friends. And I just assumed other comedians were taking advantage as well, but I guess not. So, people are sleeping on sleeping out there, especially people that don't uh have to be awake. I'm not sure about mine, but
at first I thought it was a dunk. I don't know why it was a I thought it was a home run and then I got questioning things.
I want to know why.
Having a lot of comedian friends that throws off everything.
Yeah, it's true. We We live a weird lifestyle,
you know. Gosh,
it's true.
I I think I'm going to lose this round, but I've already changed it three times, so
I'm ready.
All right, so Shane, you reveal first.
This is very intense. I'm going 72%.
Okay.
Oh, okay.
Okay. And I'm going 45%.
Okay. We're all like not that far off because I, you know, having regular friends brings it down. You're right. But I think, you know, comedians I said 60%.
I bet Beth wins this one.
Yeah.
It's actually 50%.
Oh, Beth does win it.
I get I get more sleep than a lot of my friends, but a lot of my friends are like comics who are still actively like, you know, drug addicts and stuff.
Yeah. Yeah.
Exactly. That's what I was sleep.
Yeah. And usually it's the one that doesn't push, you know what I mean?
But I got a happy marriage. So like there will be like two to three days of the week that I try to make sure that I I go to sleep with her.
Oh yeah. That's nice.
Yeah. So cuz if like all right, let's be a normal person for today cuz cuz then I'm not going to sleep for like the rest of the week and she's okay with that. And you're right. She lets me sleep in. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, that's very nice too that you like a lot of comedians are uh selfish and they don't think about their partner as much and you're like I want to I'm going to be normal so today. You like really alternate back and forth.
Also, a lot of comics are sad and alone.
Yeah, that part's sad and alone. No, I got I like mine. I got my tattoo on my finger. You know, my Yeah, I like my wife. She's great.
You get a point, Beth.
You were the closest.
Congratulations.
Thank you so much.
All right, Jane, you're up here. Okay. Uh, my two are How many times have you cursed in the last year? Oh boy.
Oh boy.
How? So, I just cursed already during this game. How long would it take you to find a needle in a hay stack the size of a
needle?
The size of a car.
The size of a car. Why not just the size of a hay stack?
If you filled a car with hay,
it would be sticking out so you probably find [clears throat] it right away.
Okay.
How big is a h?
That's what I'm saying. How big is a car?
I'm I mostly think it's like fill a car with hay. How long would you take to find the needle? No, I took it.
You make uh you make a car shaped.
Okay. Wow. See, this is actually I'm going to actually take this issue up with the game.
Uh because to me the hack thing
to me the way I read that is the needle is the size of a car.
Yeah, that's you're like I would find that pretty
immediately from from standing and looking at it. How big is a regulation hack?
I got a snowblower. I'm just blowing the
ones especially that get rolled up along.
Yeah.
All right. Sorry. No, I'm I'm going with the the curse.
How many times have you cursed in the last year?
For the listeners and watchers, Shane, are you a clean comic?
No, but um there's power in cursing that you don't want to abuse by over cursing. Yep.
Sure.
But it depends on what if I'm if I'm doing shows where I'm riffing a lot, then the curses come out more.
Psychedelic way to touring a lot this year.
You have been touring a lot. I haven't been touring a lot this year.
But we're also talking Oh, no. It is the last year. Okay. So, specifically the last year. So, it includes
less than normal.
Okay.
I still think it's high though.
Yeah.
Yeah. H
Are we talking all curse words?
I Well, every curse word.
I guess that is a good that is a good question. Like
is is like damn a curse word to you or I'm just saying that's different people.
I feel like I feel like I I would maybe throw a damn in there. I would feel like a [ __ ] You a [ __ ] guy. What?
Yeah, I'm a [ __ ] a [ __ ] Yeah,
[ __ ] a [ __ ]
[ __ ] You throw [ __ ] every now and then.
That's a more of a rare one, by the way.
Right. Context is very important word.
There's so many favorite curse words, but I'm going to I'm going to go I'm going to go with [ __ ] [ __ ] is [ __ ] is top tier. [ __ ] specifically with the little posture at the not the G like this [ __ ] thing that [ __ ] thing this [ __ ] this [ __ ] B. Yeah. [ __ ] as an action.
Um
cuz I'm like saying like my family growing up if I said pissed off my mom would consider that a swear word.
Whoa.
Yeah. Like very much so.
I like to think I go out of my way to be a more articulate person.
Sure.
Cuz I wish I were a more articulate person.
I don't know. Well, I would call you a more intellectual comedian overall and stuff.
I'm a big science guy.
You don't see a lot of cursing in and science publications.
There's not a lot of Latin words followed by this.
I put this sample on two [ __ ] petri dishes.
Oh, I hate myself. That ups the cursing. If you
I curse myself. You know what?
Okay,
I got to give Yeah, like if I'm playing pickle ball, I'm going to curse at myself a lot. Okay. I'm playing
pickle ball cursing.
Decent amount of pickle. Yeah. I don't curse at other people ever.
It's basically running to get the ball missing and going [ __ ]
Yeah. Yeah. That that that's probably the majority of my curs pickle ball.
Yeah. Yeah. That's the majority of my Okay. I just went I just went up a little bit. [clears throat and laughter]
All right. I got my answer. I feel I feel I'm locked in.
It's in the last year.
In the last in the last year.
That's 365 days.
Yeah. But also, Shane, you're like you're on the road some like there's probably some days where you don't even talk to people that much.
Oh, that's true.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, maybe now I feel more accurate because I'm like I I I went under. But yeah, I I go for days without talking to people for the most part.
Yeah, for sure. I believe that. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. I'm an introvert.
All right, I got my answer. You get everybody. What do you Where you at, Beth? What you got? I believe that Shane cursed twice a day every day last year.
Okay.
Oh,
twice a day.
I went Shane cursed 10 times a day.
Wow.
Which is also not that many if you're
like for a lot of people. I feel like
Oh, okay. I am slightly embarrassed cuz I I kind of like put How's it go? He's an insane person. MAYBE UH I PUT 50,000 IN A YEAR.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT? I CURSE A LOT. MAYBE, YOU KNOW, AND then Okay, maybe I might I got to work on me.
This is really a mirror on yourself.
I don't know if I've used 50,000 words in the last year. That's insane. That's That's like 137 curse words a day. Andrew Dice Clay would be bored.
Well, I think I've cursed 1,200 times. OH, REALLY? THAT'S NOT that many.
That's bad.
I I think I think maybe Grant is actually right, but 1,200 is what I like to think.
Yeah. Yeah. That's what That's what you hope.
I aspire That's like essentially three times a day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, to curse more.
That's my next year goal of
We just came up your resolution
was to curse less.
I curse. I don't like cursing. I like a a shucks or a shucks my bucks sometimes if it's in extreme scenarios. Sometimes just a regular old golly will do it. I like a holy smokes. You know, I I I try to keep it kid-friendly. I don't know why I don't like kids and I don't like spending time around kids. I I could use cursing as a deterrent. I hadn't thought about that before.
I play pickle ball with Shane sometimes and I have definitely heard a few gosh gollies.
You get one point.
Yeah, you get one point.
Pulling ahead. Death is leading the game.
Thanks, Shane.
Yeah. No, I'm impressed.
Okay.
Is it my turn?
It is your turn.
How many bubbles have you blown in your lifetime?
They want to surround to the nearest 100.
Okay.
Okay. How many meters head start would you need to win gold in the Olympic 100 meter freestyle swimming event?
100 meters.
Yeah. Sorry, I already answered that one, so I can't do that.
Yeah,
you would need a hundred. If you had 98, you could swim the last two meters.
Doggy paddling.
No way. I do love those videos of late where they ask a random man like, "Do you think you could beat a woman a WNBA player in basketball?" And they're like, "Yeah, do you think you'd beat a deadlift female, a deadlifter female?" And they're like, "Yeah, sure." And every time they can't. How many bubbles have you blown in your lifetime?
Okay.
Round to the nearest 100. Okay.
And this to me is bubble gum.
It does count. That was going to be a question. Okay.
Spit like when you would go.
Yeah.
You can do this on command. This is impressive.
Wait, hold on, guys.
Well, okay. Well, a lot more experience.
Look, you just added like 10 total, right? At least four.
It's not as viscous as it used to be as a child. I think I'm eating less candy. That's a problem.
Just had some real lifetime. I got to change.
I didn't know. I thought it was like like bubbles.
She gets to define it. But in my head blow of bubbles, you're getting any You're probably getting at least 14 per blow.
That's true.
You doing that on command makes me think you do that a lot.
Yeah. I just had to change really.
I used I haven't done that since I was a kid, but I used to do that all the time.
Okay. Just to like pass the time or to like impress people?
That's so much bubbles. Just like in class.
Yeah. Just just to like pass the time.
It's in the realm of this.
You've already done 18 in like third period.
Yeah. I have to go.
You have to leave.
No, I I have to change my answer.
Okay. So,
okay. I have a question. How many like young children do you have in your Cuz like I think of I'm blowing bubbles with kids. How many young kids do you have in your life?
Like niece and nephews or friends?
I'm just around them so it doesn't count. You don't ever do it when they're like so they can chase bubbles.
No.
Soundous.
In fact, where was I where there was a bubble gun recently? Now we're riding gun. Okay.
Well, but I was using it though.
There was a bubble gun happening and a child was blowing it and I remember being like, "Stop that."
Wait, what?
You were like, "Oh no."
So your aunt I'm officially old. Yeah. You're
now I need to know [clears throat] where that was.
Yeah. Beth seemed excited about bubbles at the beginning of this and by the end she hated bubbles. What happened?
It was probably like a family event.
Lost your bubble whimsy.
I had truly I was like,
"Oh no, the bubble whimsy. WHERE IS IT GONE?"
I worry for Beth losing her bubble whimsy. You You can't lose that. She had the whole thing about the gun shooting the bubble gun and getting a chromogin about that. It's like let the kid have the bubble gun. though I am against her little her her that bubble with her mouth. That was gross.
Big Beth Stelling fan. I don't need to see anyone blowing spit bubbles.
I know where we were. We were camping and it was just like someone's child and we were being like, "No."
Yes. I remember being like, "Knock it off."
You were like, "THE TREES DON'T WANT THIS."
YES. IT'S LIKE when my grandpa used to look at the dog and be like, "Stop panting, whales. You're not hot."
Like, how do you know?
Stop panting.
It's just a little grump. Just in general, right? How many books in your lifetime?
In my lifetime. So,
okay.
It's crazy that they say round to the nearest 100, too. Like, they expect everyone's number to be so outrageous in childhood. Bubbles were like a total thing of the '9s.
Yeah. I mean, this is a good summer activity, you know. Good summer activity.
I think that's Wasn't that when the first gigantic bubble makers came out?
Oh, yeah. Sure. Those big ones. Oh, I also used to go to those science museums. kids science museums where you could make big bubbles and stuff like that.
I don't know. I'm just
This is actually kind of hard.
There's a lot like we don't bubble anymore.
I hope I'm not disappointing you guys with my answer cuz this is like I'm just like
Yeah,
I think
sure.
I hope you don't disappoint me with your answer. I mean I it would be mean I have a very low bar for disappointment. And then Beth this on the bubble question. What else could go wrong? The dog died and now Beth with the bubble.
I was having a good day.
Yeah. You reveal it and we're all just like we're disappointed.
It's not even your answer. Just All right. I went 8,000.
Oh, you
Oh, no. You just gave a while. Now I'm scared. You said 14 per blow. You're blowing a bunch of times. That's
per and I'm thinking of like how many like your how many days of school you're and then I went real high.
Okay. Okay. with 10,000 guys. I'm sorry.
I did 1,400.
Okay, so the issue is this. [sighs]
I like guesstimating like, you know, like a jar of candy, but when it came to picturing bubbles in my lifetime, I was like 14 below. How long was I into it? Maybe until I was eight.
100 a summer.
I think I won this one.
800.
I don't know.
Yo, you did 800 a year. You did 800 IN A YEAR. YOU DID 800 MOUTH BUBBLES. Like you for sure did at least 800.
You don't know anything about yourself.
I'm afraid.
I feel like you strategically did it low, too. You're like
I feel like you did like half of that with just your spit right now. No.
Like,
good thing there's not a one shot on me for that.
Oh, we're going to punch in.
No, no punching in.
Sorry, guys.
No, no, it's all right. Well, I was quite disappointed in your
I told you.
Uh, all right. I've got How many house plants have you killed?
Oh.
Or how many shopping containers could you load onto a boat in 8 hours using a crane? I'm going to go house plants. How many house plants?
Yeah. The last one I How many shipping containers could you load onto a boat in 8 hours using a crane?
It's unknowable. Yeah. How many house plants have you killed?
Okay.
Okay.
Do you Are you a house plant guy?
No.
Okay.
And I never have I've never been like a guy that seeks out house plants. However, people have given me house plants at times, you know, as a housewarming gift or something like that.
I lived with Grant for a while.
Yeah, it's true.
Um, so I have insider I'm doing some insider trading.
Sure. Uh,
you can reveal your information or not.
I think I'm going to keep it to myself. I'll I'll reveal it when I have my ass.
How many How many apartments have you moved to?
Uh,
or houses in your lifetime.
I mean, as an adult cuz I I wasn't responsible for plans. Let's say 20. So, the last 20 years.
So, in in the last I lived at four different places in college, then I lived in three different places in the Bay Area. And then I've lived at four places uh in Los Angeles. So essentially 10 I've lived in 10 places
like since I went off to college.
But if they're a part of the house, are they your responsibility?
No.
No. I would say like if if a plant was given to me, I consider it my responsibility. But if they're just
like if they if they were given to someone else, I feel no responsibility towards that
plant. 100%. I have dated people that have
But those aren't some plans.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He just answered. Yeah,
but but it's believable that they maybe gave you my answer just based on your uh self your um how accountable you are.
Sure. Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Who's revealing first?
Me first.
He's going
I'm gonna go real low. I'm gonna go four.
Okay.
Four house plants total. I don't Yeah. I feel like that's the number. If you you feel really I feel like you could kill a plant right now with how long you give a [ __ ] about plants.
After this show, I'm going I'm going to find a plant outside,
you know. Prove that I'm more dominant than this.
Outdoor plants. Well, let's see. We lived in the house for Wayward for a couple years.
I'm not changing it. No, no,
I'm just giving a So, uh, I I guess Yeah, we
we lived in a place that we like to call the home for Wayward Bros.
If there were plans,
comedians moved in. Whoa. Comedians moved in after breakups. Yeah,
I broke both my feet. The way you
I moved in after I thought I was going to get married and then we broke up and then the way you look, the way the plants died. It made it seems like nar died. like jumping on a succulent.
Just jumping on things.
Uh I'm going
in a lifetime. Come on. You're 42. That's one every other year.
So my original answer was higher
and I changed it
also to four.
Oh, okay.
I was originally seven.
Sure.
Do they each get one now? If they're right.
Well, if they are right, yes, we'll give both of them one. But the real answer is
the real answer was seven. [screaming]
So if Beth hadn't changed her answer, she would have gotten three [screaming] points.
What does this mean? We get one.
Yeah. I mean, I would say from this it's like I just don't have that many house plants.
I should have known I guessed wrong because one, Grant is just more on top of things and conscientious than I am. I guess by proxy I'm a plant guy cuz my wife has so many plants and I look them up and down I'll go you're not a plant guy so I know for a fact that you can't kill something you don't have.
I have been given plants by multiple people and I think only once have I ever kept that plant alive through when I left house or whatever
exes of yours. How many would they say that you killed? I think it would be because I I mean maybe it would be like 12 or something but I haven't been given kind of responsible I miss I missed the marriage thing. What happened there? What was
Oh, I just I was like dating a lady living with her. Thought we were going to get married. We broke up and then I moved into the home forward.
Yeah.
So I get a point. I'm going to give you both a point. Sad male comics.
Yeah.
Wow. I bet it was a longer nickname. I was going to say
that's where I got Grant going on. That's my board games. I'll tell you why I wouldn't sit on the toilet seat there.
Oh, no.
There was a lot of things you probably didn't want to sit there. There were a lot of bathroom issues there. The the the place was being torn down at some point.
So, we just got we just we we got incredibly cheap.
It was a five- bedroomedroom house for two grand a month.
And uh and then we would have like a month's notice to clear out. We were like squatters essentially. It's all,
but they wouldn't fix anything. And there was a broken pipe that the tree roots would get into and clog. And so once in a while, everything would just come up, right? And uh it was
it was $400 for a room and we'd have to call them and they debate fixing it or not.
I want to go back and move in.
But it was a good place to like go find like after a breakup. IT WAS LIKE, OH, I HAVE FRIENDS. LIKE THIS is nice. Beth takes the lead.
Beth does take the lead.
Three.
I really wanted you to say 72 cuz then I would have gotten
I changed my answer as well.
You get points for someone guessing.
Only if somebody guesses it exactly correct.
Exactly. And she believe that.
Wow. Okay.
All right. How many unique bathrooms have you been in? Or how many attempts would it take for you to kick a 30 30 yard field goal?
Ooh,
I'm going to go with unique bathrooms.
Okay. Comics. There's already one today.
That's true. As soon as you got here today. One today.
That's so many. And you're on the road. How often are you on the road?
Yeah. And how I mean
I always find myself are you touring?
Half the year.
Half the year.
50% of the time.
So
I'm not saying it's good. Am I saying it's good touring? No.
Here's the other thing. It's not good. They're just bad bathrooms at clubs. So we're talking
No. No. It's I'm not I don't think it's unique in terms of cool. I think it's unique as in different. Like going into the same bathroom 300 times doesn't count 300. It counts once.
Yeah. Right.
So every every new bathroom counts as one.
Yes.
If we went to your bathroom at the place we were talking about that would be a unique
bathroom. Even if it's a boring ass bathroom.
It's how many different bathrooms.
See, we're living in different worlds because to me unique bathroom is like I'm staying at the Madonna Inn and my toilet's a snail.
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's what I'm thinking.
I love that.
Or I'm going to the comedy club and I have to play with Genpop. Mine would be uh Target bathroom in Eureka and some guy's oding in the stall. That's a unique me. Different lives.
Yeah.
We're doing different comedy clubs.
Yeah.
Well, the question really is, so what do you are you considering this like how many
individual bathrooms have you been into or how many like interesting bathrooms have you're going to go with? Interesting. Interesting.
But mine interesting is like what I just described.
Which is a lot smaller of a number than
Yeah, let's do that.
Separate bathrooms. Okay.
Okay. How I mean, we've been into so many bathrooms in our lifetime.
I'm 41.
Yeah.
In your lifetime, we're talking unique in your Have you been in
I mean, I don't think he remembers unique bathrooms from like age 0 to five. Also, uh the clubs you visit [clears throat] are often like you go back to those clubs.
Yeah.
Okay. So, that's a part of it.
And you wouldn't I mean a club bathroom is rarely like interesting.
Rarely interesting.
Do you like fine dining?
I I like it, but I'm not going to it. Yeah. I'm not going to it. It's not really in the budget.
Yeah.
Sure.
It's not in the budget.
I do open for people who like fine dining that take me to fine dining est. But yeah.
Okay.
Like who? Let's give him some props.
Filipe as far as he takes good care of people.
He's he's uh googling unique bathrooms.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Vegan restaurants.
It's mostly vegan restaurants.
Sure. Sure.
Okay. What's your bladder situation
as of recent? Uh I mean I drink a I have coffee now. It went from like light beer to coffee. I've got to piss a lot now.
Okay.
Does this happen to boys? When you pee, there's no sound. And then if somebody's in there with you, it's almost like you want to move around to make sound so people know that you're actually in there producing something. Okay, just me.
Also, if you got to go on the road, I'm like trying to find nicer places.
Sure.
Do you like like a Are you a fan of the like a really nice bathroom like towelette?
I don't even know what that is.
Okay. like a warm cloth, you know, a bathroom with like an attendant and a warm cloth. I've done a bathroom almost cloth, but they're disposable.
I've done a bathroom with an attendant in it [snorts] four or five times in my life.
Okay.
Oh, man.
See, those make me really uncomfortable.
They make me uncomfortable. That's a unique experience. Feel bad.
And there's like expectations.
Yeah. And you're like, "Look, I've been using bathrooms for 40 years. I got this."
There was a Venmo code once. I forget where, but it had his Venmo code. I was like, "What?"
But okay. If you go outside in a hole, is that a unique bathroom?
Yes, 100%. You don't think outside in a hole is a unique bathroom? You think a weird porter potty at a festival is like a like cuz not every porter potty's the same. Some of them are nightmares.
That's Yeah, you're counting portaotties.
Come on.
True.
I'm a porta potty guy.
The nicest porta potty that I've ever been to uh was Oess 2003. Uh, and this was early in the morning before uh all those savages got, you know, all those metal heads got to it.
Think about weddings that upgrade for the like the kind of nicer Taylor one.
Yes. Yes, I've done that one.
You know when I'm going to give a bathroom attendant a tip is if they have loose cigarettes.
Oh,
cuz then you're like, I just want
Otherwise, you have nothing I need.
Yeah.
I will avoid washing my hands.
You're like, I want a party, but just responsibly. Just what?
Exactly.
I mean, it's it's more like a cheapkate thing cuz you don't go up with money. You're like, "What do you mean
you're I need to pay you to pee?"
Yeah, for sure.
All right, everybody's got their answers. Shane, let's see yours.
188.
Okay,
that's good.
Okay,
good.
Yeah,
I went with 63.
Okay.
And I split the difference with 105.
Okay.
Okay.
The difference splitter. I WENT WITH 90.
YEAH, I'M ON THE BOARD FOR the first time.
On the board. I got a point. That was from Tide for last.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For real.
Hey, I mean, it feels nice to be on the board, even if I got to talk about weirdass bathrooms to do it.
What's your most unique? My Louisville has this art gallery that has uh in the men's room, they have urinals against a one-way mirror, so you can see out.
Oh,
as people are walking.
Yeah, I I've been to that.
There's a comedy club in Eureka, California called Savage Henry. Yeah. And uh the club owner didn't tell me that he didn't book me a room. So he said, "You could just stay at the club."
No.
So then I went downstairs and the club is haunted severely. I didn't believe in ghosts up until the club. So no 100. It's haunted severely. You can hear steps going up like steps walking up and down the steps.
There's a lot of homeless people. And
either way, it's either a homeless guy living in the walls or a ghost. That was a unique experience.
Yeah, sure. How many people from your middle school could you still pick out of a lineup?
It's a good question.
Yeah.
Uh, what percentage of your friends are more humble than are are you more humble than?
Oh, what percentage of your friends are you more humble than?
That that that comes back to the comic thing.
Sure.
Yeah. That's a weird one because I have very low self-esteem, but also I have to get on stage. So then you have to like
So you have to admit that there is part of you that's like I got something to say.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. So let's just avoid that one. Sure.
Let's avoid that one.
I'm going to go How many people from your middle school could you still pick out of a lineup?
Where'd you go?
Okay. on Alaska, Wisconsin. A little city outside of Lacrosse, Wisconsin. Um,
how big was your middle school? Like public school, private school, like how big was
our class would have been um middle school, our class would have been around just over 200 people. Um,
okay.
Five 5 through 8. Um, so I would say the whole school maybe a thousand. Okay, that's a pretty big middle school. 5 through eight is wild for a middle school, too.
And are we saying,
right, my question is
from your class? Right.
No, I think from your whole middle school.
From the whole middle school, which means So then we can actually cut some people out.
Time you were in there. But here's the other thing. Five.
Yeah. But how you're not often f in middle school? You're not often friends with people outside of your class,
right? So it's probably just either you're bully or just
But are we saying too basically it's like you go like this? Yes. No. Or is it like Steven Price?
Oh.
Oh,
I think No. I think it's I think it's going like could he pick out of a lineup?
Yeah.
So, like Yes. Yes. No. No.
Are we going with Yes. Yes.
Yes. And no.
Yeah.
Were you popular in middle school? You know what I mean? Like, did you have a bunch of friends? Let's do that. That's a good bunch of friends. No.
But you have not in middle school. You're also somebody that's still like there are people that like maybe their family doesn't live where they grew up or but you still go back to where you grew up.
Uh I I got a little more popular toward the end of high school and then like and then being a comic I have a lot of people from anyone that goes to school with you like tries to come out and support.
Sure.
So I run into more old classmates than an average person ever would.
Right. Sure. I got my answer. All right. Uh you're you're revealing first.
Right. So I'm thinking about there's like 200 people in his class.
Yeah.
I think to Yes. No. I'm going 73.
Oh wow. That's way Maybe I'm just like not confident in my own ability and I thought about that. So I just went 32 cuz I'm like
I went even MORE. I WENT 12.
I ACTUALLY had 14 in my head. But I just after talking
Well, I was thinking about people outside of my grade too.
Okay. No, we we thought about which Yeah, we thought about that, too. Yeah, it's going to be high.
It's high. IT'S 150.
WOW. Pretty confident.
I think we could do that kind of. Yeah, I think you could.
I run into a I've run into like at least that many people from my middle school at every few years.
I'm from a small town in Ohio. It's not super small, but I just felt like I could pick out most of the people that I went to school with, unless they've changed their faces plastic surgery wise. The reason why I could uh pick so many people out of a lineup from my middle school is because I hated my childhood and I have a very good memory of it. My older sister is 11 years older than me and she was off in college when I was in middle school and I remember when she saw me in seventh grade for the first time when she hadn't seen me in months and I walked in and I had been going through puberty and she went and that was literally her reaction. So, I feel like I'd have that same reaction with people I went to middle school with.
All right, Shane, you get a point for that, though. No, wait. Sorry. Beth gets a point for that. That was Shane's answer.
You are running away with this game. Is it even possible that Yeah, you can do that. It is technically possible because remember, if you get it exact, you get three points.
So, this is the last
This is the last round.
This is the last round.
Wait, is it my turn? It is your turn. Yeah.
I need to get a three to win. Is anyone else? We need to get a three to turn.
We need to get a three to turn.
Wow.
Okay. How many drinking glasses have you broken?
Okay.
Okay.
Oops.
If you threw 100 playing cards one at a time at a hat 5t away, how many would make it in?
Ooh.
I'm going with how many drinking glasses have you broken?
Okay.
And obviously that seems like lifetime.
Yeah, I think that is lifetime.
Drinking glasses. So to me that actually means glass. Glass. Mhm. water
as opposed to like a mug.
Okay.
Unless we want to include mugs, which I can. I worked in coffee shop.
You get to decide.
Oh, you worked in a coffee shop for a long time.
So, how do you think glasses? I I think let's go glass because
mugs are already harder to break anyway.
Yeah, sure.
I'm thinking a beer mug in my head. So, but yeah, you're right.
You're saying if it's made out of glass,
you know, beer glass.
If it's made out of glass,
made out of glass. That makes glass. That's what keeps throwing me off. How many drinking glasses [clears throat] have you broken?
Did you ever have jobs where you served wine?
No. Well, actually, that's a good point because that I totally forgot. I worked at Intelligencia in Pasadena
and they had food and wine
and that was back when it was like a really intense program to become a barista. So, you were on dishes for a really long time.
Okay.
Before you could even learn espresso and touch milk.
So, you wash a lot of dishes.
Sure. Wash a lot of dishes.
Sure. Oh,
and they were the wine ones because they wouldn't get down.
Yeah. Yeah. I was
Were you like growing up were you like cavalier with stuff or were you like a careful kid?
Very careful.
Yeah. Okay.
Very perfectionist.
Were you ever much of a drinker?
I always say no. And then my college friends be like, "What the?"
Because like I don't It's funny to say like, "Well, I don't remember college cuz you're drinking." But yeah, I'm not I am not if in the in the realm of comedians, if there's there's a door to AA or Alanon, I'm going to Allanon.
Okay, that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Huh. But yeah, working as in places with glasses is a lot.
Like, and we've all broken a glass where you're like, I didn't even do anything. I was just walking.
That's a whole different calculation.
Yeah.
Yeah. Would you say that you broke more at the job than you did in all all of your lifetime?
That's got to be
like you you broke more when you were at this job than everything else combined.
Yeah.
I was a regular dishwasher.
No, no, no. That's what I was just clarifying.
I'm very very careful. I feel like if I have to recall that time it was the tiniest sink.
Sure.
And I'm sure it happened.
Yeah.
But it's not like a lot.
Sure. Sure.
And it upsets me when other people do it. How long were you? How long were you a barista?
Sets you.
Yeah.
How long were you a barista?
Well, let's do the number of years so I can in Chicago and then
at least a year out here.
Okay. You break a glass, it's a traumatizing thing for you.
Yeah. Like like my roommate broke I remember when I wrote on another period that the rap gift was these beautiful like Belvadier glasses. Like I forget it was like hand blown glass because that show was like you know Downtown Abbey meets
Kardashians and it had like a bee on it and my roommate broke it and didn't tell me and I found the glass underneath the microwave and I was like
you were like I'm going to get this shard and stab you.
Yeah. Like I'm very perfectionist. I'm like how could you [clears throat] do that?
Okay.
The fact that they didn't tell you is crazy. Like they hit it like a child.
Found the glass.
The fact that you found it.
Okay. So I need to answer. Man, this one's really hard because at first I was like, "Oh, the number's pretty high. You've worked at this stuff." But also, you're really careful
and I shame other people.
I did 22.
Okay.
I did way lower. I 10.
Okay. I did right in the middle. 15. Okay.
And the winner is S.
Oh, [screaming] you were super careful
because I feel like honestly I don't want to be too concerned. I know. When you said you were angry at someone for like when you were like I was like careful.
Yeah.
We didn't have a dishwasher growing up. So I have 10,000 hours of dishwashing over here. It bothers me when something slips out of my hand because I'm so good at it.
Beth seems way more careful than I am cuz I've I mean I've I've killed so many more drinking glasses than plants. She probably broke way more glasses than she's coming off as cuz I broke so many. But then again, I didn't care. We're the opposite. She's like I care so much and I was like no [ __ ] these glasses. cuz I don't I'm not in love with these glasses. Eat [ __ ]
I am a fairly careful person and I still think I've broken 20 in my life.
Yeah, I feel like a couple wine glasses at work and then I remember being upset probably breaking a couple glasses at home.
Fade slowly but
like a cat.
Doesn't mean anything but board.
That's a tied for second place.
Yeah, that is that's the game. Hypothetically, I have finished in last place with one point. So, two points. Shane, you got two points and Beth is our winner with four points.
So, you were very careful even with your answers.
I know. Too careful.
Yeah. So, yeah, that's uh this game is all about the fun discussion and you know, all of these questions where you can't really know the answer, but it's fun to debate and try to think about where you're at in this stuff. And some of us have broken a lot of glasses and some of us haven't, you know, and so you get to know your friends better. So
Andy, you want your friends to guess with you because you both get points. You're
Yeah. Yeah. So that is uh hypothetically from IV Studios. Thank you so much for joining me everybody. I'm Grant with Grant's Game Rex.
Did I read it improperly or was the game reading it? No, I think that they were wrong and I'd like to write a letter to hypothetical or hypothetical. It it sounded like the needle was the size of a car. And in that case, I would easily find it.
When it comes to tying in this game, there needs to be a sudden death moment. There should be no ties. There should be zero ties. There should be at least a round a round that that's separates you from the person. So, I'm not I'm not in for the tie. It's fine. I like tying with Beth. It's fine. Beth's great. But, I still would have preferred to win. Hypothetically, if I were hypothetically looking to uh make some hypothetical friends, I think uh hypothetically is hypothetically a hypothetically good game.