We Found 20 Board Game Jokes and Perform Them... you've been warned - Lost In The Shuffle

0:00 Does comedy have a place in board games or should jokes at the table get lost in the shuffle? Greetings, Grant. Hey. Hello. Hey. You know, everyone who is at this table sitting next to you is aware of your absolute love of board games. Yes, true. But one thing that viewers may not know is what you actually do professionally for a living. Yeah, I am a professional comedian. I have performed in 45 states and like six countries and performed on TV and my last album hit number one on the iTunes charts and all that sort of stuff. In fact, you even have a board game related routine that you have performed at different conventions.

0:45 Yeah. You know, I was getting more involved in the board game world and I was like, I wonder if I could write an hour of material about just one specific topic. And then um somebody was like, "Hey, I heard you've been writing some of that stuff. You want to try it at this convention?" And I was like, "Oh, I could sure." And people liked the board game jokes so much. Anytime I tried to like talk about my dad or do like a joke about my niece, somebody was like, "No, no, shut up. Go back to the board game stuff. Why are you talking about this other stuff? I don't care about you, Dan. Talk about board games." And I was like, "Oh, okay." So, you'd say that board games definitely have a place in humor and standup comedy? For sure. Yeah. What if we leaned into that in the form of a competition? Our good friend and coowwriter Matthew has actually gone and scoured the internet for board game related jokes. Okay. That we have not yet seen. That's true. I didn't know this was happening right now. Matthew has created a list of jokes for me and a separate list of jokes for you. Okay.

1:47 So, I thought that we would go over to the standup comedy corner and we'll kind of do a tag team telling these jokes to one another and maybe we'll just kind of keep score to see how many times we can make the other one laugh. If you're telling me not to laugh, I cannot laugh. I I think it's going to be very easy with some of these jokes not to laugh. Okay. Okay. So, let's see what Matthew and the internet has come up with. Okay. All right. So, here we are. Uh, we got our places, we got our lists that Matthew has sent us that we haven't seen yet, and we'll just kind of go back and forth through our lists, and we'll see how well board game jokes can make each other laugh. All right, sounds good. Would you like to go first or second? Uh, I could go first here. I'm fine with that. You deliver. I will I will be your audience of one to start with. What's the hardest part about learning a new game? Pretending you understand the rule book.

2:45 That just feels like a true statement to me. True. Yes. Yes. That is just a statement. I don't know that that was a punch line, but it was a statement. I thought that whole thing was the setup. So, that was that was the whole joke. All right. That was number one for me. Okay. Okay. Well, how about this? What is a Kickstarter packer's favorite holiday? Estimated delivery day. I mean, there's a little bit of cleverness to that. You could Okay, that's generous. Yeah. Uh, so so far this is a little easier to prevent myself from laughing than I thought. Yeah, fair. All right. Well, how about this one that's going to get you? What's the hardest part of Twilight Imperium? Explaining to your family why you missed Christmas dinner.

3:36 Again though, it's like yeah, Twilight Imperium is like an eight, nine hour game. It's very complex. Yeah, probably don't play it on Christmas. That's going to be my piece of advice. Yeah. Almost more. If you can do it Christmas Eve, then you won't, you know, then you'll be ready for Christmas Day with your Also, you have a family like you didn't think about them on Christmas. Here we go. Getting warmed up here. Well, you're stretching for this one. All right. You're expecting this one to be big. I'm limbering up to deliver you this. Why don't board gamers ever go camping? Because they can't handle the setup time for the tent. the tents. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you can have tents that are really easy to set up. I think a setup time for a tent is less than a lot of games. Actually, that's a very good point. Yeah. My tent has like poles already kind of attached and it takes like 3 minutes. Mhm. Yeah.

4:30 Ours is like springloaded. It just bo right up. That's what I mean. So, and also he did inform me that he actually went through and punched these up a little bit. So, these are the improved versions of these. So, now we get to judge Matthew, too. Well, I think he he did everything he could to salvage a lot of these. Why don't Gloom Haven players do yoga? They already know how to stretch their campaigns over several years. I really had an ellipsus and everything. It was a dot dot dot pregnant pause. Give it a little bit of moment. Come in with the timing. Their campaign's over several years. Oh, okay. That that one that one almost got a nearral out of me. Okay. Okay. That's progress. Progress. Yeah. Mine also has an ellipsus. So it's the ellipsus round. Yeah. Yeah. Here's my ellipsus entry. What's a board gamer's favorite genre of music? Rock. Paper scissors.

5:32 Yeah. Once you said rock, it's kind of like there was nowhere else you could go but but paper scissors. So, it was a little predictable, you know, but board games and relationships are the same. They both take forever to explain and still end in fights. Okay, that one earned a under the breath. That earned a Yes, a har. Here's one for you. I bet you didn't know this. I didn't I bet you didn't know the difference between a competitive board gamer and a cooperative one. About 200 dB. I feel like a lot of these honestly are kind of statements like that probably is true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz it's probably something like that. I have experienced that. Also, these jokes think that every gamer is mad all the time. Don't get out of here. You board gamers are the only people who look at dice and think, "I need 20 more of these." Okay, that's the most factual statement one of all so far. I even did some heavy lifting with like adding some physicality to it. I really tried to punch that one up in the moment. Yeah.

6:42 No, but that didn't work. No, my initial response to that was just only 20. Yeah. You know what? Yeah. Yeah. We scaling back. Come on, man. Every joke I write about a gricula is just farming sympathy. I didn't even get that one at first because I was like, what? Sympathy for farmers. Farming sympathy. That is not that's not great syntax. No. The sign of a well-written joke is one that requires a 30-second explanation. Yes. Yeah. Uh what's the difference between risk and real life? What is the difference between risk and real life? In risk, you actually conquer something. Sad panda.

7:27 I added kind of art. Okay, this is more of an exasperated what? You never win in real life and risk you can actually win. Wink wink nod nod edition. I'll just watch is game night code for I don't understand the rules. Yeah, I'll just watch is like, yo, I need a break from this person. That's what I feel like. We're playing with your brother-in-law. Oh, yeah. Well, I'll just I'll just I'll just watch. How long does this game take? Well, Jerry's playing, so I'm going to say 3 weeks. Three weeks. I'll just watch. How do you know someone backed a Kickstarter? Don't worry, they'll tell you. Okay, we got one. We got We got one. Not a huge belly laugh, but more of a a knowing a knowing nod laugh. Yes, that would hit close enough to home to get a chuckle. Yes, that one struck a chord. Okay. Yes. What do you get a board gamer that has a big shelf of shame? Nothing. Because they need to learn.

8:35 Okay, I got a little that one got a little out of me. My nostrils flared at this point in this competition. That counts. Yes, it's a nostril flare in the right direction. Yeah. Board gaming taught me one thing about love. Never go all in on a bad hand. I I honestly feel like whoever wrote all these jokes is just real sad. This is missing cra miss missing Christmas dinner and there's been a multiple ones about not having love in your life. It's making me wonder if we need to check in on Matthew is what it's doing. It's Yeah. Also, that joke almost sounded blue. I Oh, sure. Yeah. What's a board gamer's favorite holiday?

9:23 pass turnover. But you already had a favorite holiday one. It was expected delivery day. Yeah. Which we're just recycling jokes now. I honestly can't tell which one of those is more terrible. I think the past turnover is because I feel like that's a joke that you really only get right away if you're reading it. You need to be able to read to see how it's written. Yeah. You need to see the hyphenation. Yeah. I bet you I wonder if I'd just given you my phone cuz you'd be like rolling on the floor. That's That's what we're missing. That's what we're missing right now. Me reading yours. Knock knock. Who's there? Teach you. Teach you who? Gazun tight. That's what it says. That's what it says. I I got to admit I am a sucker for a gazun tight joke. Yeah. But even that one that left me a little cold. Tichu.

10:12 That doesn't even really sound like a sneeze. Tichu. Gazun tight. Why do cities in Gatan require ore and wheat? Oh, I hate this. I hate the fact I have to say this because we built this city. We built this city on rocks and rolls. I'll give you a point just because your commentary on it in the middle of the joke made me laugh. At this point, I'll take it. I keep on trying to steal board games, but it's a risk I'm willing to take and risk is capitalized because it's the board game. Did you get it? It's because risk is a long-term game and so the joke was because it, you know, risk you put it into the punchline of the joke and that's what makes it funny because you're not just stealing jokes but risk.

11:09 It's a risk to steal anything but when it's capitalized then that's the joke because it's not the risk. It's like the board game risk. So, yeah. Okay. Even though you didn't see it, and even though you definitely obviously are not impressed by this joke, I'm giving you the point for this one because really, yeah, as much of a sucker as I am for a good gazun type joke, I'm an even bigger sucker for a pun. And dang it, that was a well constructed. Okay, you got to admit, boy, that's the one I just I jumped on the camera and you're like, that was my favorite one. That was my favorite one, man. So yeah, I got to give you a point for Okay, thank you. I was laughing on the inside. What's the heaviest game I own? Hurts my back gamon.

11:55 Okay, I feel like that's trying to be a pun. It just didn't quite make it there. No, I'm seeing this as there's two different concepts in here that have been blended together and the other half of each joke has been left out because like what's the heaviest game I own? Back gamma doesn't make sense. But if you said something like, "Why don't I move my board game collection around?" Well, cuz it hurts my back gammon. Yeah, there you go. Look at that. Matthew didn't rewrite that one enough. How many Boy, I just looked at this and the punchline is like five lines and the setup is two lines. That's what That's what you know, just being verbose in your punch line. That's what makes a good punch line. All right, we're going to do it. I haven't read it yet, but how many Eurogamers does it take to change a light bulb? Okay. How how many Eurogamers does it take to change a light bulb? One. But then no other players can change a light bulb until the end of the round when workers are removed from the board and placed in the available to use box.

12:59 That one gave me a headache. Yep. Okay. I got three more on my list. I got two more. All right. Makes sense. Okay. Tell me, sir, what's the difference between a board game designer and a large pizza? I don't know. A large pizza can feed a family of four. I mean, I feel like you deserve at least half a point for that voice. Wait, no, that I'm giving that one a point. I'll even give it a point for you. That was my favorite one so far. Okay. Sorry. If you don't want I'm glad you like it. Yeah. I I'll give it the laugh. I'll give you the point for that one. What happens when a board gamer dies? It's got dark. They get returned to the box. Yeah.

13:45 Oh, I don't want to oversell this one, but I think you're contender here. Oh, I was playing Monopoly with a friend and he said, "Let's make it interesting." I said, "All right." So, we stopped playing. That is the That's the best one I've heard so well. That had a nice uh storyline that the expectation was broken and the punch line. I like that one. Nice. All right. All right. Here's my last one. All right. Doctor Doctor, I feel like I'm addicted to board games. I'm sorry, sir. This is a Barnes & Noble. That barely makes sense. That's the logic of that. Here's what my mind. Yeah. Okay. There there is that running gag on like the the the internet of sir, this is a Wendy's, you know? So, I thought at first that that's where that was going to be going, but then I thought, "No, it's going to be something much better than that." And it turned out to be something worse. Yeah. Yeah.

14:39 The laugh was more just this is my life now. Yeah. Okay. Well, if you want, I'll give you some percentage of a point. Sure. All right. And this is the last one. Yep. Last one. Uh, I think I've heard this before, but you tell me if you've heard this. Okay. Isn't it kind of ironic that only one company is allowed to publish Monopoly? Yeah, that has been said so many times before. Yeah. You know, cuz the word Monopoly means one thing. Oh, yeah. So Oh, that makes it that makes it make sense on a whole different level. Yeah. I'm glad I could get you there. Thank you very much. I I appreciate it very much. I really do have a board game comedy show that I take to conventions all over the country. Actually, in 2025, I plan to do my first national tour of the show, take it around to board game cafes and places like that in cities all across America.

15:32 If you want to follow, if you want to find out if there's going to be a show near you, check out my website, grantsgamerex.com, and there's going to be a list of shows on there. So, yeah, it's a fun time. All right, Grant, I will have your invoice in the mail. Thank you. Meanwhile, though, do you have a game night pick for us? There's some really good sort of robot deduction games. You like one of them a bunch, right? Oh, uh, Touring Machine. Yes. Yes. Actually, that's I actually haven't had a chance to play it yet. Yeah. Touring Machine. What's amazing about this is the AI in this game is completely cardboard driven. Sure. Sure. It's just based on the way that they develop the cards and these little slots the cards fit into. But it really does like computations for you. Yeah. Yeah. touring machine has like dozens of and dozens if not hundreds and hundreds of different levels of all levels of difficulty. So, you can start with the easy ones and see how far you can get into the difficulty zone. Nice. You know, the nice thing about any game like that that kind of breaks your brain is it also makes you feel really clever when you figure it out. As challenging as it can be, it's definitely something I would recommend as a game night pick if you are interested in that sort of really really intense logic puzzle. Nice. Thanks for joining us for this episode and be sure to join us again, please. And in the meantime, thanks for joining us and take care. Yeah, we hope to see you soon.

16:49 Yeah, that I did I say you said thanks for joining us multiple times, but you can be multiply grateful that people are here. It's the human part of being if I was a robot, I would have not done that. But if you were a robot, you would have been like, "No glitch. I'll set it already." But yeah, yeah, I'm a man.